Diary of Resistance

Given that Cedar publicly posted hir response, to keep things totally out in the open:

To CT Organizers and Community,

I want to echo Kat's sentiment, and am also deeply tired of academic masturbation as both communication and a silencing tactic. Also, Kat is correct that in our deeply broken culture, most abusers do not see themselves as being abusive, coercive, and assaultive. Abusers always justify and rationalize their actions to themselves such that they do not see themselves as violating another's autonomy and person. It is a part of their mindset that they do not see themselves as having enacted violence.

Furthermore, Hazel's intent is meaningless. What matters are that hir actions against me were, as I again reiterate, coercive and silencing. And the suggestion of a "bilateral accountability process" is absurd, is silencing and revictimizing of me and other survivors. What sort of community do we want to live in? One where when survivors are supposed to be accountable to their abusers? Should I be accountable to someone who raped me - let's not pretty things up to hide what's going on, coercing someone into sex IS rape. What am I to be accountable for? Sex not being pleasurable enough because I wasn't willingly engaged in it? Upsetting a perpetrator by openly and honestly making the community aware of their actions to get help in holding them accountable and getting support as a survivor? Refusing to be silent about someone who has perpetrated violence against myself and several other people that I am aware of? Defending myself and my community in the way that consistently does the least harm? Really, this request is ridiculous and demonstrates either just not getting it on a very basic level, or a conscious attempt to manipulate the community through co-opting the language of survivors to serve a perpetrator.

And if the attempt to manipulate the community isn't conscious, but is an unconscious thing, that is terrifying.

I'd also like to raise a big "huh?" to ze having "found out secondhand" what I wanted of an accountability process; I clearly stated that in my original call out, which went out to several lists ze is on.

Ze clearly does not wish me the best; if ze did, ze wouldn't have raped me and coerced me into a relationship in the first place. And how can ze wish for the community to acknowledge that there is a problem with violence before hir can acknowledge hir own? I hate to be a total hippy and say something along the lines of "true change starts from within", but when you've got a definite repeated problem of using violence and coercion, it's ludicrous to say the community needs to acknowledge that that occurs within the community before you recognize that you're a major perpetrator of it. So, talking about what the community should do while ze continues to deny responsibility and accountability and attempt to blame the victim is Cedar covering up hir heinous actions with pretty words.

I do, however, view hir stepping down from being a cat-herder -- and once again, I'd like to echo Kat in that we have no leaders (or, we are all leaders) -- and view it as a necessary, but far from sufficient, step in this process.

In joy and struggle,

Gauge Sparkly Purple Unicorn Freyjasbarn